A Good Excuse to Skip a Writing Class
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Loading ...Posted on August 7, 2007
Okay, I know that skipping classes is wrong, and that I will be cursed for this article. But hey, how can you sit in class when spring is in its full blossom? Once in a while it is even helpful to run away and have a nice quiet day to yourself. If you find a good excuse to get out of the class, no one will even think that you are lying. And if you are not creative enough or think about the best way to escape, I can offer you nine effective excuses.
- Cut an onion into small pieces, wrap it into a tissue, and once a lass starts, and start rubbing your nose with it. As soon as you feel that your eyes are full of tears (not very pleasant, but isn’t the sun outside the classroom worth these tortures?), start showing alarm. If you feel like sneezing, go ahead, and try to make it louder. When the teacher offers help, refuse modestly. “Slight allergies, sir, but I’m okay…” Try to say it as gently as possible. Once tears start running down your cheeks and the teacher himself sympathetically opens the door for you, get your stuff and run outside, towards the sun and spring and free yourself from infinite essays, theses and term papers.
- What can be more usual than an unexpected little accident at home? Approach your teacher with a puzzled look and tell him that you received a call from your neighbor. The thing is that your dog (a rottweiler will work just fine) has jumped over the fence and there is no one at home. The crazy dog is running around the neighborhood frightening kids. And personally you suspect the fuzzy head to have ravens. Well… not for sure, but who knows what is about to happen. Anyways, it is your duty as a citizen to go and save your neighborhood!
- The plan is simple. Your parents are going away for the weekend, and you forgot your keys at home. They are leaving in thirty minutes and there is no way you are getting into the house. Well, you can walk around the neighborhood, but someone said there is a maniac walking around, and people have already found one dead body…. All you need to do is go home right now and get the keys from your parents. Easy as that. Now try to explain it to the teacher.
- The point is not that you did boxing for 7 years in a row. And not even in the fact that your muscles are bigger than Arnold’s. “What kind of discrimination is it?” – you should ask your teacher in an offended voice if he refuses to believe that you have local auditions to the American Ballet Academy in an hour and that if you don’t go right now, your entire life will be ruined.
- Play on family traditions and your positive reputation. Say that your parents are busy, and you are the only person (with a driving license and a car) who can go to the elementary school to pick your kid sister up and bring her home. Say that last time when no one came for her she initiated a Creative Drawing Club and covered all of the school walls with Disney drawings. Keep explaining the basics of psychology of a regular child when moving backwards towards the door. Maintain eye-to-eye contact with your teacher until the last minute.
- Lie about things that people are embarrassed to say out loud. Lean closely to your teacher and mumble, stumbling over words, “Umm… the thing is, Ms. Thompson, that… it’s hard to say, um… well, I got…, I… I ate… I’m not very…, actually, I got…” and say the diagnosis as quietly and indecipherably, as it is only possible. Get all red and try to fake blushing. When she looks at you, look down in shame, nod your head, and show a reaction that can be translated as “You are right. I don’t know how it happened, but it’s just what you think”.
- Run into the class looking lost and alerted. Try to do it five minutes before the bell when there is no one but the teacher. Start digging in your things and saying something like “Oh, dear”, or “Mom is gonna kill me if I fail this class”. Then walk towards the teacher with a look of fatality on the face and say that you forgot your essay or the next class, and the teacher is a monster who will love to kill you for your mistake. Tell that you love her class but you gotta run home and bring that custom essay writing. Your life and reputation depends upon it.
- Wait for the time when class starts. Sign out a pass to go to the bathroom. Wait for a couple minutes and then run in all excited. Jumping from impatience and astonishment is a good idea, too. When all eyes are on you, give yourself a look of a person who knows something. Then tell everyone that Brad Pitt is standing in the hallway and signing autographs, honestly! When everyone runs out in a direction you point, get your things and run in the opposite direction – towards the door.
- Put everything into the locker. Make sure it is prepared for a quiet retreat. Now go to class and sit there for a while. When the time comes, go out quietly and don’t come back. Easy as that.
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